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My wife says I’m retired, but I say I’m unemployed. I was an owner/operator long haul truck driver for 25 years, and before that I was a company line haul driver. Throughout those years on the road, I told myself that when I retire I would play like Hendrix and look like Arnold. Now I've been off the road for almost a year and a half and play guitar like a monkey fucking a coconut (awkward and humiliating, but the monkey can’t help itself), and instead of Arnie I look like